The 'Spider'

Okay, I hate spiders. You probably already know this, what you don't know is the scary incident I had one Friday morning. Warning, some readers may find this disturbing (dad).

Cassie was at work and I was ready for work and killing time by watching some tv on the couch. I heard something drop from the couch and I looked down to see a nailfile. Curious as to where it came from, I dropped to all fours and looked under the couch. BIG MISTAKE. All I saw was legs and I backed away from that couch as fast as I could. The legs were HUGE, like tarantula size. A million things started running through my head, like "ok, if I were in Canada this would be no big deal because realistically we have no spiders this size.' But lets get real here-I am in Australia where spiders of this size DO exist. I was terrified. I could not leave that spider, no way would I ever sleep again. So I carefully moved the couch and looked behind it-nothing. I moved the couch back and grabbed a broom (damn I'm brave...). I shoved the broom handle under the couch and felt the spider! I dropped the broom and raced to the front door. After my heart resumed a proper speed I started to think logically. No way would a spider feel like it did-that big and I think I rolled it over...I peeked at the couch and saw nothing. I gave it one more shot and managed to pull the spider into view. I ran away but kept it in sight. Looking at it I noticed that it wasn't moving. I sat and watched it for 10 min before deciding it was definiately...a FAKE. I was so pissed off but you have to understand what a freekin scary incident this was. I was so upset that I had to leave the flat. Realizing that Cassie would come home to a disturbing scene, I texted her that the spider was rubber. Walking to the bus stop on my way to work, a leaf fell off a tree and landed on my shoulder...I had a mini-freak out on the sidewalk. Thankfully no one was around to witness this (I think) but that incident had me creeped out for the rest of the day. Later that night I made Cassie pick up the rubber spider and throw it off the balcony (she did-laughing hysterically the entire time). She agreed with me that she would have done the same in my position. I f*^#ing hate spiders and whoever put that goddamn thing under our couch has just earned themselves some bad karma.